Archive for August, 2010


never never

August 22, 2010

A while ago, I went to Neverneverland. It was here that I explored the depths of inequality, pondered consciousness and at times left it all together. I learned to be something completely different from before. Wild is not the right word, but it could work. Though the frolics through concrete jungles seemed infinite, there was still a need to return home. The most recent return brought about strange sensations. Like a tug of war, with left and right limbs as a rope.

‘Home’ in itself is not so simple. Home is a relative term. Where you physically, spiritually, and mentally perceive your home are rarely all in the same place. Maybe not even in the same form.

Home, as in the places of my past, begin in more than one place. I journeyed on a sleepy eyed bird to the first. The greeting was warm. Feelings of insecurity were aided by food, when conversation lacked it was compensated with adoring looks and gasps at how I’d transformed to something else. This version of home looks as though it has been polished each day. Polished to a point of a sterile and cold appearance. This house offered all that was needed in the material sense. There was no lack of food, that which was desired was given with ease. Given my basic experiences of somewhat feral life in Neverneverland made me uncomfortable with the complexities of being secure. Security in a financial sense did not mean that the home felt warm. Insides gutted and replaced with nicer, newer decorations. What was revealed, was a shell. Beautiful things to look at, to distract from the general apathy and disappointment.

The second of the past homes felt also felt queasy. The faces were all warm. There was little compensation, dialogue wasn’t forced. Take it easy. The insides of the home felt scattered, half in boxes. Like the day after moving in – except this time, they didn’t know when they’d be leaving. Four shared two sandwiches for dinner and conversation was light.

“Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m happy”

Though one home had all the material goods to provide for much more than it held, the other struggled. While one masked unhappiness, the other beamed with love. All the money you’ve got can’t buy happiness. Conversely, all your love has yet to change the system in which money controls our lives.

talk about dialectics. This is why I escape to Neverneverland.